I just subscribed to the local newspaper.
I probably should have a while ago – to learn more about the town and whatnot, since I’m new to the area. I told myself I’d regularly visit the newspaper’s website, there was no need to subscribe and receive the physical paper. And yeah, that didn’t happen.
The thing is, though, I despise newspaper. Not newspapers, mind you. I think the institution of the newspaper is worthy and wonderful and probably a couple other adjectives that start with “W”. I despise the physical news paper. The paper that you have to go outside in the snow or rain or cold or blazing heat to retrieve from your neighbor’s driveway because your paper boy is an idiot. The paper that you have to bundle up to recycle, and carry to the curb, and then you don’t do it for awhile and all of a sudden you are overtaken by the giant pile of old newspapers in your kitchen.
Frank’s going to detest this decision, at first. He’s going to complain and he certainly won’t read the newspapers. But then I’ll give him the $20 Best Buy gift card I got for subscribing and he’ll shut up for a little while.
Frank is collecting Best Buy gift cards. They are good gift cards, in that they don’t ever expire and they don’t start dwindling if you don’t use them. After this Christmas, I think he has over $400 in gift cards in his wallet. His boss has been good for a $100 for the last three years, and he’s gotten other random smaller ones from my dad, my brother, etc. I think he’s planning to buy a surround sound system with them, but Frank generally keeps his evil plots to himself. I’ll probably be none the wiser until one morning I’ll wake up to 5.1 surround sound goodness, because he’ll most certainly install the thing while I’m sleeping. Have I ever mentioned my husband is the undead? Well, OK, that’s an exaggeration, but he certainly has a thing for doing stuff at night and sleeping during the day.
But I digress. I think I’m ready to get the newspaper. But to be sure, I’m going to make these promises to myself:
- I will not let multiple days of newspapers accumulate on the front lawn.
- I will remember to suspend service when we go on vacation in April.
- I will religiously bundle and carry the paper to the curb every week to avoid
bitching and moaning from my husbandan avalanche of black and off-white.
- I will not let my son eat the newspaper.
- I will clip the coupons, and I will try very hard to remember to use them, and to only use the ones for stuff I would have bought anyway.
We’ll see how it goes. I’m not entirely optimistic. But it is local knowledge I lack, and local knowledge I am trying to acquire. Local newspapers are good for that.