So, to tell the whole tale

I’m going to get downright gross here, probably, so avert your eyes if you don’t care for such details. 🙂

(Of course this will be no surprise to SOME people who know me. You know who you are.)

As I mentioned earlier, our water went out earlier. And just about as soon as I realized it, I had to poop.

We live in the same town as my in-laws, so I figured we could quickly scoot over there and make an impromptu visit, and I could take advantage of their pink toilet. (Yes, they have a pink toilet. They have a bright yellow one, too.) My quick plan is, throw the kids in the nearest available coats, strap them into the minivan, and skedaddle over there hastily.

But then I grab Jake to put his coat on him… and he’s got a diaper full of poop. And he hadn’t pooped for three days. And he had blueberries yesterday. I’m not sure if the act of grabbing him did it, or plopping him on my lap, or if it was already like that, but he had poop all out the side of his diaper, practically down to his knee. Somehow this timely surprise didn’t end up on my pants. I carry him at arm’s length into the bathroom, and just deposit him into the tub, since that’s the easiest to clean, and normally I’d just bathe him in such circumstance rather than even attempt to clean him up with wipes.

But there’s no water.

“Lane! Bring me the wipes!”

At this point, knowing the length of time it would take me to get him acceptably clean and the number of wipes I would go through, and just owning that I really don’t want to have to do that while I got a turtle poking his head out of his shell, I just proceeded to do my business in the toilet sans water. I figured the water would come on eventually, and I could keep the door closed in there until it did.

About thirty baby wipes on Jake and a half-dozen sanitizing kitchen clean-up wipes on the bathtub, and an ounce or two of hand sanitizing gel on myself and Jake, and everything and everyone was adequately poop-free and sterilized, save the bath mat and Jake’s clothes. At least I didn’t have to bother the in-laws.

Then. I went to the mall and spent $80 on the biggest haul I have ever had the pleasure of taking out of Old Navy. I cannot believe how much stuff I got for $80. They said the sale is on until Sunday, so go check it out!!

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2 responses to “So, to tell the whole tale

  1. This is my favorite post of yours.

    I’m totally going to out-gross you tomorrow though. I have the post written, but I have a backlog so this one doesn’t get done until tomorrow.

    And there’s not even any poop in mine. 🙂

  2. It will be interesting and probably scary to watch what sort of new readers you get from this dirty little ditty.

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