I’ll stop telling you how to do your job when you figure out how to do it correctly

Now, I know.  You’re like 17, and working the cash register at ShopRite is, like totally not your life’s ambition.  You’re waiting for bigger and better things to come your way, like working the cash register at Auto Zone.  I get it.  But, dude, right now, you’re a cashier at ShopRite.  So let’s get a few things straight right now.

1)  First, I apologize for not having my shopper’s club card with me.  Your system allows me to recite my phone number in substitution for the actual presence of the card.  I know swiping the card over the scanner is like way totally easier than typing in a ten-digit phone number.  I’m sorry for that.  But I really do not appreciate having to tell you my phone number FOUR TIMES because you lack the manual dexterity or attention span to type it in correctly the first three times.  And your idiocy is only funny to you.

2)  I guess, thanks, for not proofing me when I bought my six-pack of Mike’s Hard Lemonade.  Your register requires you enter my birth date to appease the UPC gods or something, so I told you my birth date by saying the month, day and year.  (Like “February 17, 1974” — though that is not REALLY my birth date, internet stalker people.)  Do you really lack the mental fortitude to convert from “February” to “02”?  Did you REALLY need to ask me what number month February is?  Because, let me tell you dude, the problems don’t get any easier as you get older.

3)  Maybe you haven’t taken biology yet.  Or maybe you spent all of it scratching your name into the lab tables.  But seriously, don’t bag my strawberries and bananas with my raw chicken.  And seriously, SERIOUSLY, don’t make me explain why doing so is A Really Bad Idea.  I guess ShopRite doesn’t do much training for you on cell biology and epidemiology and infectious diseases, but the short answer to your stunned “why?” should have been “because I don’t want to shit my ass off” instead of the kinder, gentler, “Because it’s not a good idea to bag raw meat with produce.  In fact, don’t ever bag raw meat with anything other than raw meat, ever.”  You’re lucky my kids were there.

Now please, go grow a brain.

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5 responses to “I’ll stop telling you how to do your job when you figure out how to do it correctly

  1. The service at retail establishments has been the best unexpected side effect of our (not so recent anymore) move.
    The most astonishing is the middle class high school kids that work at the car wash, all the jobs, not just the register.

    Leaves me wondering where the ex cons work .

    And at least you didn’t get my favorite cashier reponse “Wha happen ?”

  2. If you bring in your own reusable totes, be prepared to rebag. They don’t know how to bag those either.

  3. I’ve got the reusable totes. The grocery ‘kids’ don’t seem to realize that they are a lot stronger than the plastic crap bags and can hold more than three cans of soup. Every time, I tell them, “Fill them up! I don’t care how heavy they are. I can take it.” If I can carry five full plastic grocery bags in one hand I can surely handle one chock-full reusable bag.

    Once they have the permission to pack ’em full, they seem to do a decent job after that, thankfully.

  4. I have to agree with Dave. In general, our retail people are great. Friendly, personable, and in many cases older retired folks who need a little extra cash and totally know how you should bag because they’ve actually bought groceries for themselves before. I hated when we lived downstate and had to deal with uncaring half-wits. A little pride in whatever you do goes a long way.

  5. When I worked at Target, I definitely knew not to bag food with laundry detergent (we don’t sell raw meat). Besides it being common sense, we were also trained on what and what not to bag with each other.

    Maybe it’s like what Amanda said above. I did have a lot of pride in my work, and I always strived to do my best. I think it made me a better and happier employee, which, in theory, makes happier guests.

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