Even when I know exactly what I’m going to type out, the clever words rarely come for a title. And if I’m not 100% sure what I’m going to type, well, forget it.
I’ve been doing a lot of pondering of late. Frank and I have both been wondering if we want to have another baby. By the time Lane was Jake’s age, I was already pregnant with Jake, after making the deliberate decision to have my IUD removed. Frank was on board, and we were excited. These days, the idea of trying to get pregnant has us both looking for the nearest fallout shelter. Mostly, I waffle on the idea. I love the idea of having another baby, but am generally freaked out by the reality of adding another body to the madness. It probably doesn’t help that Lane’s never been the easiest kid on the block, and Jake’s steadily gearing up for the terrible twos (mostly by finding writing implements and leaving his mark on any inappropriate surface at his eye level). Lane is so interested in babies right now, and breastfeeding, and playing Mommy to her baby dolls, and I know she would be beyond the moon over a new, real baby. But that’s really little justification for conception. 🙂
And even though the idea of pregnancy sends me into heart palpitations right now, who knows how I’ll feel a couple years, or months, or even weeks from now. For a long time after Lane was born I couldn’t imagine adding another child to our family. I just couldn’t even create the mental pictures of what it would be like, of how I could love that baby as much, of why would I want to mess with the perfection that is my beautiful daughter?!? But then one day, I could. And a few months later I was pregnant with Jake, and he’s just completely awesome. So, it will probably happen. Maybe once Lane starts kindergarten in the fall and the quiet:chaos ratio improves a bit in my favor.
The other big thought-provoking subject for me is what I’m going to be when I grow up. I’ve toyed with the idea of starting my own photography business to do portraits, or to becoming a birth & postpartum doula, but both require the whole working-for-myself thing, and at this point of my life I’m not feeling the energy to be super entrepreneurial. I also keep coming back to the idea of going to school to become an RN. There are loads of programs around for people who already have college degrees; you go to school for about 15 months, give or take a couple depending on the program, and you have another bachelor’s degree and you’re an RN (once you take the certification exam, of course). And there are a number of schools with programs in reasonable driving distance. And, I definitely find myself leaning toward state schools for the affordability factor, which reduces my choices to Brooklyn or Binghamton. Or Long Island… but who in their right mind wants to go to Long Island every day? There’s also a private college only a few miles away with a program, which would certainly lend itself best to the juggling act that being in school full time would require.
So no decisions there, but I may get started on those prereqs in the meantime at the local community college. If nothing else, I love taking classes, and can you THINK of a cooler way to spend your time than by taking Anatomy and Physiology I?